After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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