remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
