Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
