let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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