The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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