had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
