i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
