it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
