im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
