I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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