did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I understand Curling. That high.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
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They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
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Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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