i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
