I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
