she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
