It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
