you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
