Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
be right there i have to get my cape
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
