i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
