Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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