idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
