That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
