When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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