I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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