Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
