I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
