Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
