That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
