dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
