I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
