theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
