It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my being single is dangerous.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
