so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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