I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
