3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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