what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
