So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
