I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
