i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
