I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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