my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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