Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
