3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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