I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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