The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just want to make out with him forever
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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