he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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