jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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