I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
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I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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