i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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