I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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