i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
