I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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