She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Quick, to the slutcave!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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