i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
