I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
