My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
