but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
