Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
