Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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