dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize