Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
