I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
