A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
