Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
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When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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