Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
