Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
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My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
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And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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