All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
