I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
