I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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