i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
