call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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