I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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